"I committed three full days to communing with my Heavenly Father. This was something I needed to do alone. I turned to the sanctuary of our home..... I cannot begin to explain the shifting of emotions I experienced during this intimate time..... I asked Him for the courage to dig deep inside of myself to expose questions that were submerged in my troubled heart.....Although tears had privately flowed at times because of frustration over my inability to do something, I had never truly allowed myself to grieve the loss of who "I had been." I didn't know at that time what it really meant to grieve my losses. My heart ached, craving to be restored to the "old me......"
Sharing the very core of my heartaches with my Father during those three days allowed me to be angry, scared, vulnerable and exposed before Him. He listened to my doubts and fears, and He openly allowed me to lay it all on the line without intervention. He faithfully listened without harsh judgment or criticism. I was free to say whatever was on my heart in complete candour."
[Excerpt from my book Worthy In His Eyes: Part Two: Journey of Discovery...Chapter Two: Alone with God]
LOOKING BACK: This was a pivotal point in my relationship with the Lord....it was also a pivotal point in moving forward with an acquired brain injury. I believe I would not be where I am today had I not pro-actively pursued private communion with God....for 3 days....alone.
This was a powerful time of spiritual cleansing and renewal. God's grace washed over me as I surrendered everything to Him. With raw emotions spilling over, my Lord lovingly spoke to me through His Word. He reminded me that He has known everything about me since the beginning of time because He is the One Who created me. He tenderly reminded me that I was still "Kathie." That alone restored my trust in Him for the journey ahead.
My disability still exists..it is permanent and its effects will last a lifetime. But my perspective drastically changed during those three days. God reached down to the very core of my being and cleansed me. He renewed my spirit, and my heart was like a fresh, clean canvas, ready and waiting for the Master's touch. Crucial lessons still needed to be learned and there would be deep valleys to conquer, but I embraced God's promises that He would carry me through when I could not walk on my own.
I encourage you to set aside "alone time" with God, wherever you are in your life's journey but particularly when a "switch in the track" takes you in a different direction that you had planned. If your heart is heavy and weighed down you really can't afford not to spend this life-changing time with Him. He needs you to be honest and open with Him. He's Almighty God and anything you have to say to Him, He can shoulder.
The journey ahead may get rougher before it gets easier....surrendering to God doesn't eliminate the situation or circumstance....but learning to depend on God's leading and guidance will empower you to turn the handle on the door of your future, knowing the Master's hand will firmly grasp yours. You will not walk alone nor will you walk in fear for the Lord promises to always be a stronghold......in times of trouble and in times of victory.
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